Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I was getting gas this morning, and saw what I can only describe as a "travesty". I saw a black woman in her mid to late 20's walk out of of the gas station don't know how to describe this. It was, at some point, a red dress. But it was all tattered and stripped. It looked like it was a normal dress, but then she fought a bear or a leopard (or a liger!) and now it was all ripped to shreds. What was holding it up? The will of God? The collective will of every man within seeing distance? Who knows? Not to mention it was 90 degrees and she was wearing boots. GOLD boots. But do you wanna know the worst part? She had a kid -- a KID! She was someones mother!

I was going to take a picture, but hey, you don't mess with a black momma that has obviously fought a bear. So, I'm going to do the next best thing. I've been surfing around websites like 'PoorlyDressed', 'Fashion Fail Blog' and 'People of Wal-Mart', and I think I have a pretty good list of fashion dos and don'ts. It's obvious that not enough people have common sense turned on when they get dressed in the morning, and it's up to me to torment them until they do. This is a public service. Say "thank you"

WAKE UP THE MASSES!!! This is Something Clever. So let's go!

Remember kids, every one of these people had a choice. They got dressed, looked in a mirror, and made a decision to leave the house. Some call it noble. Some call it brave. I call it 'the reason why I blog'. Let's begin:

Nothing says 'early morning bike ride' like bondage! How do you even ride a bike like that? Well, maybe that's why the other guys are riding and he's walking. The high shorts and the basket on the bike are not helping. When I first saw this, all I could think was:

Chang took his bike out of the garage that morning, and said "Today is the day I become a Paper-MAN!"

When the Green Goblin decides to go clubbing, he goes all OUT! Where the heck is Spider-Man when we need him? Don't let the looks fool you, though. He's still got that glider somewhere, and he's dangerous...only now, when he attacks you, Daft Punk music plays in the background...

Holy Crap! It looks like 'Precious' ATE Nikki Minaj!!!

Gay Peter Pan? This pose got him kicked right out of 'Never Never Land'. No one wants your fairy dust, homie. This is one 'Lost Boy' that's gonna STAY lost.

Wrong on so many levels. There's nothing wrong with being a fan, but I think making your kids dress up like this is illegal in some states. But I can guarantee you that within 10 years, some poor grad student is going to be assigned to boldly go where no family therapist has gone before.

Keeping it real has, once again, gone horribly wrong.

"Hop out the bed, turn my swag OOOONNNNNN...wait...I's in here somewh....maybe this pocket...I dropped in this crease...lemme check my other pock....dang it, not again!"

Apparently, when you want a Fanta in San Francisco, these guys show up. Ask yourself...are you really that thirsty?

No joke necessary.

Life was not kind to Billy Bob Callihan after his football glory days were over. But even though he's no longer allowed near any NFL stadium because of the infamous "chewing tobacco and PBR" incident, he hasn't lost his pride. Ok, that's not completely true...

Okay guys, one more. Let's finish strong!!!

"Oh and me are gonna play with the dog....then later, we'll mess around with my puppy...oh know what I'm talkin bout..."

WOW! The ladies dumbbell, the arm bands, the dog with the sweater, the wine glass, the short shorts, the sunglasses indoors, the feathered hair in mullet form, the 70's mustache, the way-too-open collar, and the pleather chair?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! This picture has NO redeemable quality! Everything about this pic says "Yes. Yes I am creepy, thank you for noticing." Icky on SO many levels.

I hope you enjoyed this "Nightmare on Fail St." If you're not blind, I'll see you Friday!



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